‘Can’t buy love’: The women going ‘dateless’ on NZ matchmaking service

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Businesswoman Linda Hill (left) is unhappy with Compatico’s services, but Compatico’s Cindy Mitchner says the business is meeting customers’ needs. Photo / Lisa Matson
Linda Hill felt something was wrong with Compatico when she and a co-worker still hadn’t been on a single date several months after signing up.

The 58-year-old businesswoman paid $695 for a one-year Gold membership (which now costs $795) and $440 for a photography session, but
has yet to receive a match and has been invited to only two events.

“I have been invited to a cocktail evening, which I could not attend. Then to the movies, which I thought was a dumb way to meet people.”
Hill described the service as a “complete waste of money” and claimed she has “spent over $1000 and have had not a peep from Compatico”.
“Reading between the lines, they just don’t have any men.”
She felt if the service couldn’t attract enough men, “they need to give our money back. Even though it may have been a great idea, they haven’t been able to do it”.
Hill was one of 10 unhappy women paying for Compatico who contacted the Herald in response to a story about customer complaints.
Compatico, a “premium, curated matchmaking service” fronted by high-profile entrepreneur Dame Theresa Gattung, is marketed for Kiwis aged 40-plus and charges up to $5995 annually.
Managing partner and head matchmaker Cindy Mitchner said the business had filled a “huge need for mature singles” and said she was “happy that we’ve got enough men”.
“We really do take the feedback on board, but the tone and manner of it is really important too and you know, there are some people [who] are more matchable than others.”
Mitchner said the business has made changes in response to feedback. It now calls its customers when they have a concern, instead of responding by email.
“We have flipped our process … I’m now ringing them straight away.
Some customers have been offered a three-month extension of their membership, Mitchner said, “because in a way they’re flying on the plane and we were still building bits”.
The business has also hired another event coordinator.
“We recognised that we were slower getting our events up and running than we should be.
“But to be very clear, we have hundreds of members and minimal concerns.”
The Herald spoke to a male Gold customer provided by Compatico, who said the service appealed to him because it was more secure than other dating options.
“The important thing is that people have been checked. You know the person is genuine and real,” said the member, who asked to be kept anonymous.
“You pay a certain amount of money, but on the other hand you’re reducing risk dramatically and you’re also saving a lot of time because you’re not looking at stuff that’s just not real.”
The man had been offered six “matches” since he signed up in June, and had been on two dates with different women, with a third planned soon.
“They can’t promise me a perfect match, even if they do provide me with a really good person to meet, it’s up to her and me, ultimately, to make it work or not.”
He had attended one event that he described as “a little bit pricey” and said “it wasn’t very useful, honestly”.
Almost all the women who have contacted the Herald with concerns about their Compatico experience have been Gold members.
Hill said she “never got the impression” the matchmaking business would not work to find matches for those not on the most expensive membership option.
“I wouldn’t have signed up at all had I known that they were not going to actively make matches.”
The annual Gold membership fee is the more affordable option at $795, but that does not include the cost of the compulsory dating profile photography session, which starts at $245 and can be as expensive as $465.
“I put my toe in the water with Gold membership and have now met several other female members — no one’s happy,” claimed a user who asked not to be named.
Members said they were unhappy with their memberships because they had not received any “matches” after several months, and most had received invites to only two or three events.
When women raised concerns with Compatico staff, some said it felt like they were trying to upsell them to the $5995 Platinum membership.
“When I approached Compatico a month ago they came back with the same old line — we don’t match Gold members and that’s clear in the terms and conditions,” another disgruntled subscriber said.
One woman said she wondered what she was paying for after being told by the service it was “not actively searching for a match” for her.
“After the first function held at Theresa’s house, Cindy asked via email if anybody had piqued my interest, I gave her a name and never heard back.”
The subscriber waited two weeks before sending a follow-up email asking if her profile had been shared with the man.
“I apologise for not following up re your function feedback formally. [The man] chose not to receive your profile,” Compatico said in response.
“As a Gold member you are available in the community to be matched, but we are not actively searching for a match for you.”
Mitchner said the difference between the membership offerings is clear in the company’s terms and conditions and was discussed during the interview and sign-up process.
“We don’t want members that don’t understand what they’re buying, are not happy [with] the pace of our process and don’t understand what matchmaking is.
“I can’t explain why they don’t understand it,” Mitchner said.
The Compatico website says Platinum members get a “proactive, personalised search for compatible matches” while Gold members “may” be approached “with the option for a match in our community”.
The Herald spoke to a female Gold customer provided by Compatico, who said she had received two “matches” since signing up.
“I’ve been single for four years … I’ve never been on a date with anyone until Compatico and they made it really easy for me.”
The woman, who asked to be kept anonymous, said neither man ended up being the “one” for her, but she was impressed with the service so far.
“I take my hat off to them [Compatico].”
Nine women told the Herald they had been on no dates despite paying for the service for over six months, and they suspected there was a “poor balance of men” subscribing.
Compatico said the ratio of men to women varied by age group, “some are evenly balanced at 50-50, while others are around 35-65.”
Several women told the Herald they wanted Compatico to be transparent about the ratio of women to men who are signed up.
“I expect that very few men have joined, but they should be honest,” one disgruntled member said.
Another woman said she and two of her friends who had been signed up to Compatico for over six months had received no matches.
“We are all smart, professional attractive ladies in our early 50s. Compatico is … a huge disappointment.”
A Gold member said she had the “impression that something is wrong for a while” after she felt there was a lack of communication from Compatico.
“I am a very attractive woman, and when signed for Bumble or Tinder, during the first 24 hrs I have 600+ likes! It is impossible, they are unable to find for me any match!”
Mitchner said she wouldn’t reveal the ratio of women to men because it was “commercially sensitive”, but said Compatico had set up 100 dates in its seven months of business.
“We always want more men … you’ll see that our communications skew to men because women are joining anyway.”
The service’s website says paying for a membership does not guarantee a match, but promises to offer a “qualified team of matchmakers offering wrap-around professional relationship advice”.
One woman claimed an event Compatico hosted in August at The Northern Club left her and other female members concerned.
She described the panel discussion at the event as condescending and said she and her friends “felt we were being chastised for being too fussy, not compromising enough, and too quick to dismiss men”.
She said the high cost of Compatico brought with it a high expectation, which the business was not meeting.
“I feel a bit of a fool for paying as much as I did. I’m just relieved that I did not go Platinum.”
Mitcher defended the cost of Compatico and said it was not dissimilar to the paid versions of dating apps that did not offer the same benefits of privacy and security.
“We are not here to take people’s money. We are here to offer a fantastic and much-needed service.
“It’s no more expensive than 12 months of any of the apps and there are absolutely no events with them.”
Most popular dating apps are free, but offer upgraded versions of the service. A lifetime subscription to Bumble Premium costs US$229.99 ($363), and Tinder’s Platinum subscription pricing varies between locations, usually US$19.99-$39.99 a month.
Mitchner said she tells potential customers, “If anything that we’re talking about would put you under financial pressure, then this is not the service for you, okay?”
“You want customers who have the ability to afford your service and the time to wait out the process, it’s gonna take a while.”
Another Compatico user said, “Signing up was an expensive lesson learnt for myself — you can’t buy love!”
Jaime Lyth is a multimedia journalist for the New Zealand Herald focusing on crime and breaking news. Lyth began working under the NZ Herald masthead in 2021 as a reporter for the Northern Advocate in Whangārei.

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